Things are very fluid around here. Sometimes much more so than I would like. So on to the next item on the list, for now. Sometimes quitting is a good thing.
Jesus has been bringing freedom to my life in so many new ways this year. I won't go into those things now. But it has been fun and exciting. And maybe a little, uh, challenging...? Well, sometimes it is difficult for me to let go of something comfortable, well, and my control. This is so true with some of my eating habits. Yikes! Jesus wants me to have freedom there as well.
I knew it was coming to food sooner or later. I have some food issues. You see, I am completely addicted to sugar. It seems as if that is kind of like the cool thing these days, to be addicted to sugar. Or maybe it's just being recognized as an issue. Sometimes, I think it is viewed as a cop-out, or an excuse. Or even as a way to be included with the various "AA" types when you don't drink or do drugs or have other addictions and you don't want to feel left out. Sound ridiculous? People want to be part of something. Want to belong somewhere. Well, that's a different post.
Back to sugar. Let me quantify my "sugar addiction". First, though, let me just give a nod toward the scientific research claiming that this is exactly what is meant to happen. "They" (the moneymakers?) want me to be addicted to sugar so I'll crave more of it. Isn't interesting how we often crave what isn't good for us? And we want more. And we have to learn how to live without what we want and how to live ignoring the cravings in order to be free from them. This applies to many things in life, not just sugar. Again, this could be another post.
I have always enjoyed my sugar. My mother may be horrified to learn of these childhood admissions if she doesn't already know them. I ate bread and butter and sugar (a lot of sugar) quite often. I would not eat cereal without heaping some sugar on top (mind you we didn't buy sugary cereals so I'd make my own). I learned to eat cottage cheese, but only because someone topped it off with sugar. Sugar called loudly to me from the sugar canister on the counter. It reminded me how good it would taste on virtually anything. And I often gave it a whirl.
As I grew older, sugar was important to varying degrees at different times. I always thoroughly enjoyed ice cream, cake, cookies, candy, and any number of other sweets, but the amount to which I would indulge changed with my moods, life events, jobs, crisis, etc. There were times of extreme stress and sadness when I just didn't get hungry. I found that I didn't eat much of anything during those times. Until recently.
I have found myself, over the last three or so years, in an intense time of stress and varying degrees of sadness/ depression. Just as before, I have often lost my appetite for weeks on end. However, the cravings for sugar and all things sweet has increased, even multiplied. I may not be hungry, but by golly, I am in dire need of some cherry Twizzler bites. Or a small tub of Kooky Kookie Dough ice cream. Or a Toll House cookie- ice cream sandwich.
And after nearly a seven year hiatus from soda and caffeine, I relented to the Coca Cola and Barq's Root Beer cravings. I began a 32-oz drink a day (at least) habit.
I hid candy and ate it throughout the day. I bought candy, ice cream, or other sweet treat EVERY time I left the house. And sometimes at EACH stop I was at while I was out. My older kids knew that if they went on errands with Mommy, they would get at least one treat. (Side note: My kids never ate as much sugar as me or as often. They never got to have access to a sugar canister, and I didn't teach them to eat sugar on things.)
Here's a real good indicator of how far my sugar habit had gone. I began tracking my calories per day. I could easily put away 3300 -3500 calories a day and still skip meals at breakfast AND lunch. Go from that to trying to eat super healthy, no sugar of any kind, no white flour of any kind, no comfort foods, and log 2000 calories.
If you are used to eating super healthy, this may not be a challenge. But I am used to not eating well, in all sorts of ways. I find it extremely difficult to get close to 2000 calories. (Side note again: I do not believe calorie counting needs to be part of eating well. I often like to track protein, sugars & carbs, and fiber for my information, but it has been helpful to see where my calories go.)
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